


Anger Management

by NeenaNeena



Category: Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012), Thor (2011)
Genre: F/M, Gen, SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS, especially with the green ones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-07-16
Updated: 2012-08-04
Packaged: 2017-11-10 02:21:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/461205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeenaNeena/pseuds/NeenaNeena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the Thor, Lord of Thunder affair, Jane and Erik went to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. Some would have thought Darcy would follow them to the end of the world. But unfortunately for her, as soon as she got her credit, she was kindly thanked and sent back to New York. Now working as a waitress, living with a blonde flat mate, she tries to pay her bills and survive. There is so much rage in her she feels she could go green any minute.</p>
<p>So when she meets the jolly green giant in a park, trying very much to smash the ducks in the pond, she can actually relate to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> 1) I do apology for English isn't my native tongue and I might butcher it a bit. Hopefully, my beta Karen will help me with that.
> 
> 2) I kinda… well I totally took some details from Kat Dennings' show, 2 Broke girl$. While not a crossover, this would be more of a… homage? Allusion? Shameless copy?
> 
> 3) Of course this is a non-profit story. If fan fiction was lucrative, how many of us would be multi-billionaires?

###  **Part 1: Ricochets**

 

When Darcy comes back from work she tends to go straight home, she kicks off her shoes under her roommate's Murphy bed that's always down, strips form her fugly mustard uniform and takes a beer from the bottom of her fridge. Since she came back from New Mexico, she's been so full of rage she could actually imagine herself kicking a puppy. Not kicking it literally, because they are so cute and she doesn't want PETA on her back (those crazy bitches can be worse than an iring Norse god with daddy issues, for sure.)  
Sure, she's got this pretty…. Weird? Flat mate that used to be rich and brings a whole new sort of crazy in her life. But she sure misses her old one, when she got to roam around the country chasing thunder storms and other rainbow roads that lead to other universes.

Now everything seems bleak and terribly boring. She got to taze the god of thunder (which may seem redundant) Now she gets to take the crap from hipsters (Gods how she hates them!) and the other customers. Every time she smiles and smiles and secretly curses them but every time it is harder and harder.  
She had sass before. Now, it's more bitchiness with borderline psycho. There is so much rage in her, she wouldn't be surprised she turned green and start smashing something. Someone. Yep, she would totally kill someone. And while planning murder in your head and imagining how cathartic it would feel may be quite tantalizing, the consequences of concretizing those fantasies might not be good for her in the long run.  
So instead, she hops into the old pair of sweat shorts she's been using to sleep, and the old hoodie with stains and burned hole from cooking and…. Not cooking. And she goes running.

There's a park not far from the house, quite big and really calm (except for your every homeless guy and crack head from time to time). She's seen plenty of people going there for a run, and it can't be worse than running on the pavement. And a bit of green is never a bad thing.  
Except that she forgot how difficult it is to run. Even her favourite playlist playing on her iPod is not helping the fact that she hasn't done any sports in a long time and maybe (maybe) she should cut the cupcake dough tasting every time she's doing a batch. And that's how she stops, after 10 minutes of pure hell, breathless and sweaty and with every inches of her body protesting against the abuse it's going under. And when she thinks she's going to spit at least one of her lungs, she decides to look around, panting. There is no one around. Nada. Nothing. Niet. This part of the park is totally deserted. Not even a bird singing or a bee buzzing.

Actually, this is wrong. There is someone. Something. A great big bundle of green muscles sitting by the lake. The jolly green giant doesn't seem that jolly, huffing and puffing at the ducks on the water. Now, swans, she would understand, those are the stupidest, most dangerous birds that ever set foot on earth. They are the honey badgers of the ponds. Small, but lethal. She's not sure the Hulk could defeat them. But ducks? Come on!  
So she does what no normally constituted person would do, she comes closer to the giant.

 

"… Eyh, Big guy…?"

 

She uses the waitress voice, but with a softness she is not used to. She's maybe reckless, but she's not suicidal. She doesn't want to be smashed. And when the creature/man/monster turns his snarling head to see who's having the guts to address him, she barely keeps herself from backing up. Showing her hands to prove she doesn't have any weapons (except for the pink tazer she "borrowed" from her roommate's purse hidden in her hoodie's pocket)

 

" Wow wow wow wow. Don't worry. I'm not armed. I'm not sure I could actually beat you with anything… Wow, in the TV you seemed… well… greener?"

 

The Hulk looks at her intensely. She wonders why sometimes she lets her instincts take over. She might get killed one day. And that day might be coming earlier that she thinks.

 

"You looked like you were going to reduce those poor birds in the lake to smithereens. I know walking in the grass and stepping on duck poo isn't particularly nice, but it's not worth killing them. "

"Hulk smash ducks."

"Yeah, well, if you want to smash them, you could at least eat them. I know a really good recipe if you want, but it's better to take a duck raised in a farm, not in a public park where it might have been eating radioactive corn… or bread."

 

Hulk looks at the tiny human. She's out of breath; he can hear it in her voice. Yet, she doesn't stop talking. She doesn't seem to understand she could be smashed any seconds now. The female human smells good, like sweat and flowers mixed together. She has been running. From what? Was she chased? Humans are such pathetic creatures, so little and fragile, Hulk would break their heads with just one finger. But chasing a tiny female which, with the size of her breast, must be breastfeeding, that is not good. Not good at all and it makes him angry. The big breasted female flinches when he roars but doesn't step back. She's brave. Or particularly foolish.

 

"Wow Big Guy! Ok, no ducks. You've got anger issues, dude, you know that?"

"Why run?"

"Who, me? Is that so obvious that it's a first time for me?"

 

The blank look he sends her makes her smile. He seems surprised by her reaction.

 

"I've got anger issues too. I thought I could vent it and lose some weight in the process. You know, the "killing two birds in one stone" thing. I was wrong to think it could be fun. It's Hell. Don't do it."

"Boobs want to kill birds?"

"No, it's like an expression, dude. It means I can do two things in one go and save time…. Wait a minute? Did you just call me Boobs?"

 

Hulk is surprised. The tiny human looks angry. She may be tiny, but she's got a big mouth.

 

"That's how it is, eh? Men and big boobs, what's with you? And it's not even a V-neck. That's not how you talk to a lady, dude. It's Darcy. Darcy! Like the guy with the wet shirt and terrible social skills from the Jane Austen book. Not that I expect you to have read it. Do you even know how to read?"

"Tiny big Boobs is noisy."

"It's DARCY!"

 

The Hulk growls. How dare she shout at him like that?

 

"Now don't rawr at me like that, young man. I'm the one with the shitty life. You've got to be green, a superhero and smash stuff. I just get to run. And it is not. Cool. Not cool."

 

The Hulk is impressed. For the first time in his life, he's being lectured. Angry Darcy is angry. She's like Hulk.

 

"Angry Darcy run. Not angry anymore?"

"… Angry Darcy. Now you talk my language, dude. Well, It's supposed to help you. Not that it really works on me. I'll just end with a sore back and sweat dripping from my clothes. Yuck. What about you? What do you do to vent? I mean, except killing the birds?

"Hulk smash"

"Well I suppose you do. Have you ever considered taking a hobby? A sport of some kind maybe? Cause, I mean, of course smashing is totally cool, but it may become boring after a while. Plus it's quite expensive. And you get to piss people off"

"Not pissed if them dead."

" Well yeah… I suppose. But then you'll piss their families. And then, have them on your back. It's a vicious circle dude. You could do other stuff. Not Macramé or Knitting, obviously, but… Eyh! What do you know about ricochets?"


	2. Taï-Chi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Thor, Lord of Thunder affair, Jane and Erik went to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. Some would have thought Darcy would follow them to the end of the world. But unfortunately for her, as soon as she got her credit, she was kindly thanked and sent back to New York. Now working as a waitress, living with a blonde flat mate, she tries to pay her bills and survive. There is so much rage in her she feels she could go green any minute.
> 
> So when she meets the jolly green giant in a park, trying very much to smash the ducks in the pond, she can actually relate to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I still do apologies for English isn't my native tongue and I still might butcher the Bard's language.
> 
> 2) So this Darcy is still very influenced by Kat Dennings' role in 2 Broke girl$. Yet, this is still not a crossover.
> 
> 3) Of course this is a non-profit story. If fan fiction was lucrative, how many of us would be multi-billionaires?
> 
> 4) This chapter ended up sooo much longer than I thought it would. And with more drama than I first intended. But with Brucie here, what did you expect ?
> 
> 5) Also, rating... no idea. maybe for the language ?
> 
> 6) SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS! (especially the green ones)
> 
>  
> 
> Reviews:  
> First of all, I thank all of the readers of this fic very much, and all of you that bookmarked/pressed the [follow this story] button. And those who put it directly in their favourites... Wow. Thanks so much! This is my second fanfiction in english, and i'm glad I started writing again. Even if it's in the middle of my exams period, I do enjoy it very much. Your comments were very much appreciated too, and helped me seing things in a better angle.

 

 

 

 

Introducing a 9 foot tall bundle of muscles to stone skimming may have seemed a good idea at the time. But now, Darcy isn't so sure anymore.

The green giant is furious. All the pebbles the tiny human is giving him were crushed by his fingers as soon as he tried to hold them correctly. The small rocks felt like sand in his hands. And when he got angry and took the big weird looking human shaped rock from the center of the park to throw it, it just sank in the water like….. Well like a rock.

 

" Dude, it should be gliding on the surface of the water. Barely touching. Like this."

 

She puts her small small hand on his arm, trying to show him the right move. He shivers violently. How something so small and pitiful can be so warm and soft? It could almost be… nice? But as soon as she touches him, she's gone. She's counting the ripples made by her rock. She said something about the rock being flat, and… gliding? He looks around. There are no rocks left after he threw the…. What did she call it? Statue? In the pond, creating a mini tsunami in the process and flooding the path were they are standing. He looks around for something… something flat… and… round. He smirks. This is exactly what he needs.

The screeching sound of metal being bent and ripped apart makes Darcy turn back. The Hulk is standing on the bank, his bare feet covered in mud. In his hands seems to be the rest of… well a sign post. Just before she can actually say something, the green giant throws his home made pebble that perfectly skims on the water. But unfortunately, the Hulk's strength can hardly be measured and the deadly metal crepe rips through the air, decapitating a couple of ducks on the way and finally disappearing between the bushes on the other side of the park.

 

A sound of crashing cars and broken glass, followed quickly by angry honking comes from the scene. Darcy grabs the Hulk by the elbow and whispers.

" Run! We can't be found here! Let's go!"

 

And they run.

 

There's a sort of bubbly feeling building up in Darcy's chest. Something she hasn't feel in a long time. The green… man (?) in front of her seems angry, like he does on those tv reports showing Thor throwing Mew-Mew on different targets, or Iron-Man and that guy that looks like the captain America action doll her brother had. Yet, she is not afraid.

They hide in the bushes and suddenly she's got the impression of being five years old again, hiding from her parents because she broke a vase…. Except that she's 23, and she's in a park, hiding with a 9 foot tall man that looks like he's made of…. Brawny broccolis? That is too much for her.

The Tiny Angry Woman's shoulders are shaking so violently the Hulk wonders what's going on. She doesn't smell like she's crying. Maybe she's angry with Hulk's poor throw. She showed him the right moves but he couldn't get them properly done. He was sloppy. Maybe she'll get angry and shout at him. He is not sure how to respond to the anger of this tiny little thing. He is quite surprised when she starts laughing. She laughs so hard she actually fells on top of him.

 

"Dude… I can't believe… You literally killed two birds with your stone. You couldn't get any more litteral than that."

 

The Hulk doesn't know what she's babbling about but her little body pressed against him is one of the most pleasant things he ever felt, even more pleasant than smashing the god of thunder and his puny brother in their last encounter.

 

"Did you see that? And yeah, too bad the statue just sank like that, it could have been fun. Now, I hope no one recorded this, or we'll get into biiiiiiig troubles. And I hope nobody died. That would be a shitty death. "Death by a ricochet". Lame. Could be a "Dead Like Me" kind of death. Not as sad and ironic than a toilet seat from the Mir space station, though…."

 

The Hulk looks at her like she suddenly grew a second head. She wonders what he is thinking. She's getting quite nervous now that she started to realize the possible consequences of her actions. And when she gets nervous, she can't seem to be able to shut up.

 

"Angry Darcy talks too much."

 

Darcy crosses her arms in front of her, vexed, and closes her mouth. Who does he think he is? The Hulk lets out a rumbling sound, making his chest tremble and Darcy realizes that she's laying nearly on top of him. He is… laughing? He's not mad at her?

 

"Well… I suppose that wasn't a pretty clever idea. The rock skimming, I mean. It was really fun, and all, yet, it didn't really work. I'm still angry at my life, and you still look like you could smash something."

'Hulk, smash." The giant confirms.

"Guess we'll have to find something else. Do you have any idea?"

 

In the end they don't think of anything else to do. They just stay there for a while, talking. Well, Darcy talked. He listened to her or maybe he didn't, but still grunted from time to time, to show her he was still awake.

And when it's time for her to go home and bake her four batches of muffins for the next day, she goes, full of regrets. He accompanies her to the edge of the park.

 

"So... It's time to say goodbye. I had a great time, thanks."

 

She gives him an awkward hug and smiles. The Hulk mimics her somehow, giving her a terrible impression of someone with stomach pains and the urge to skin you alive. It would be creepy if she did not spend the last 3 hours talking to him, cradled against his massive green chest.

She walks away and when Hulk is pretty sure he'll never see her again, she runs back to him and draws a pen from her pocket.

 

"That's my number, in case you want to hang out again. I'll see you around, buddy."

 

And then she proceeds to disappear in the noisy streets of the city.

 

 

_**°0°0°0°0°0°0°** _

 

_**  
**_

A month passes and Darcy never gets the phone call she never thought she would... well, yearn for. She guesses giving her number to a grammar challenged bundle of muscles was quite a shitty idea in the end. The guy seemed to struggle with a simple sentence, so maybe introducing to numbers and a mobile phone was a bit…

Sometimes she imagines he tried to call her, but the device in his hand was so fragile and small he would actually crush it every time he tried. Sometimes she thinks that maybe he washed his arm before he wrote down her number, or that maybe blue ink isn't really visible on green skin. And sometimes, when she gets really mad at everything and nothing in particular, she cynically thinks that even a green radioactive giant with anger management issues doesn't want anything to do with a stupid looser like her.

When she reaches that stage, she's waitressing in the diner. It has really been a crap day. It has been raining for three days now and she constantly has to clean the floor that those fucking hipsters keep covering in mud. No, going into a park to do whatsoever weird communion with Mother Nature when it's fucking raining is not normal. Definitively not normal. And their body odors are actually so much worse than normal. For fuck's sake, did nobody ever told them never to wear wool when it's raining, and that when it's wet, it actually stinks? And those very "ethnics" Peruvian hats they adore make them reek like old ratty llamas… or "alpacas" like they love to correct you.

It's the fifth time she cleaned the little pool of muddy water at the very feet of a twenty something little rich hobo wannabe that thinks he's almighty because he just saw "On the Road" with "that chick from Twilight", ignoring it's been a book before, written on toilet paper, paper full of crap like him.

 

"Darcy! In my office, right NOW!"

 

She was about to strangle the guy with her dirty mop. She was actually going to strangle him, or stuff his mouth with…

Her boss interrupts her musings and let her confound herself in excuses. In the end he lets her go with a lecture and words of advice that she should "stop whatever she's taking because it is not a nice thing to see, and if she's not taking anything, well she might consider getting a prescription from a doctor or something. Consulting might be a good option, too".

That's how she finds herself in front of a tall building guarded by dangerous looking men in suits. She could swear, if Men in Blacks existed, they would exactly look like that: S.H.I.E.L.D agents in business suits. She flashes him her Visitor Badge she got after the Battle of Manhattan. Even if they did not give her a job after her internship, she knew she would hear from S.H.I.E.L.D again. And when Jane came back from whatever secret place they sent her, she insisted Darcy should have this pass. Curiously, this demand was endorsed by mister I-pod stealer, Agent Coulson.

 

"Eyh Dude, totally digging the Wall Street look. I'm here for the class."

 

The man doesn't blink and the only thing that proves he has heard her is him stepping back to let her go through.

After the "Diner Debacle" she did the only thing she could think of, that is calling the only part of common sense she ever possessed: her ex-boss. After a long explanation and the conclusion that hipsters suck and that she needs a hobby, kind kind jane tells her that there's a Tai-chi course going on in the main building that she should maybe attend. The bonus is: it is free for the many badge holders. Now Darcy doesn't particularly consider herself as a material girl, but let's face it. She is broke, and these three little words sound like magic in her ears.

She follows the long corridors of the highly guarded building and ends up in a long room with a wooden floor. One part of the wall is covered in mirrors. It's the kind of room that haunts her childhood memories, when her mother wanted her to take ballet lessons and she ended up boxing the face of one particularly nasty girl. Not a good first impression.

The room is half-full already and everyone is chatting quietly, they all seem to avoid the back of the room, pointedly ignoring a single man. Of course, being who she is, Darcy goes straight to the back.

She sits down next to the man. In his early fourties, he does look quite attractive. He seems to be meditating, completely ignoring the rest of the room. She tries to copy his position, making abstraction of all the weird glances sent in her direction. Does she stand out that much?

At first, it's the smell that raises something in him. It is more subtle than a perfume, vaguely familiar, like a memory. Yet, he can't remember where he smelled it before. He tries to concentrate harder. It was Fury's idea to make him attend this class, so he could have a… hobby. A hobby that didn't involve changing color and smashing people. He tried to refuse, the safety of all these people was at risk, especially now. The other guy had been restless, trying to go out, splitting his head in half with pain when Bruce tried to control him. Finally, Bruce won, but He was still there, buzzing angrily at the back of his head, raging more than ever. And Fury did not listen. So in the end he had the choice. And what a choice! Being still sensitive, he either could stay in the lab, getting more and more annoyed by Tony's incessant non-sense, or he could well, not socialize per say, but "try to build up a resistance" to social interactions. Not that he really needed to, but anything was better than a bored Tony trying to make him go green.

So he complied to the order with a heavy heart. And anyway, Tai-Chi had always calmed him down before.

He interrupts his meditation when the teacher appears. As always, everyone is taking their distances with him. That is good, and it doesn't hurt as much as before.

Something in the corner of his eyes takes his attention. There, just a few feet from him, stands a girl. No, not a girl, a woman. No, she's really just a child, too young to be a S.H.I.E.L.D agent, really. Actually, she is too colorful to be a S.H.I.E.L.D agent. Who comes to a Tai Chi class with bouncing curls and painted lips? He can't help but notice the curves of her body. Not a child, then.

She smiles at him like she doesn't know who he _really_ is. Maybe she doesn't. What is a civilian doing in the tower?

 

"Eyh! It's my first time here, but you look like some kind of meditation king. Do you mind if I tag along? Everyone seems to give me the cold shoulder. Maybe it's a good idea I didn't get a job here. Except for the good wage and social security. I've heard you could get a good dental cover. Meh."

 

The woman doesn't wait for his answer, she continues to talk to him and stand by his side. He wants to tell her that it's not okay, that he doesn't want her to "tag along", it's dangerous and stupid to even attend this class, even with a bunch of agents trained to react to his transformations. Actually, cross that out, it is even more dangerous to let him in the same room with over trained agents.

 

"… And that's how I ended with you. Not cool, right?"

 

He has no idea of what she's talking about. She looks at him with an earnest expression. She is pretty. Very pretty. A small brunette with the same kind of beauty as Betty albeit more… rock n' roll? He's not sure he ever understood fashion before but now it is even more confusing. She smiles and he feels something in his chest tighten. He hasn't answered yet.

 

"oh, right…er, not cool. Indeed."

"So, you're working here, that's right? You don't seem like the kind of guy that likes to wear a suit…. Are you a scientist?"

"Lucky guess?"

"I'm observant. Plus you still have you badge on your shirt. Here you go…. Doctor Banner."

 

She leans toward him to read his clip-on ID badge. She is the source of the perfume. Her hair tickles his arm and he shivers violently. She steps back, looking a bit offended, but doesn't say anything. The Teacher's voice luckily interrupts them and they start with a series of Qi Gong exercises that let the girl next to him perplex. She looks quite lost and sends him panic signals. He sighs and whispers instructions to her. The smile she grants him makes him blush a little. He hasn't blushed in years. After the accident, no one ( with the exception of Betty, but then again, there was always so much sadness in her eyes ) looked at him like that anymore.

They spend the next hour executing exercises after excercises. When comes the time to do Pushing Hands and they have to pair up, Bruce slides back to his yoga mat to do some meditation. He needs that. But the girls has other plans. She decides to ignore the not-so discrete attempts to keep her away from the good doctor and takes him by the arm.

 

"So Herr Doctorrrrrr... Don't run so quickly from me. You really thought you could escape ? Tutututu... Help me with that, would you?"

 

Bruce glances discreetly around them. Everyone is holding their breath, waiting for something terrible to happen. He focuses back on the girl and gives her instructions.

She doesn't concentrate. She really can't. The man is yummy, for sure, but that's not the issue here. She feels claustrophobic under the stares of so many, well, hostile people. It's like they expect her to turn into a monster any minute from now. That's rude. They are rude, and the teacher barely gives her attention. That's not how you treat a newbie! And even if doctor yum-yum guides her, she feels like this is dull and repetitive. Her mind is still free to think. And her thoughts piles up until she can't take it anymore.

 

"BOOOOOORRRIIIIIING! I'm bored. This is definitely the most boring class I ever been in. And trust me, I followed a loooot of courses. No offence, Doc, but this is rubbish. It was supposed to help me calm down, and it doesn't help at all."

Bruce smiles indulgently.

"Maybe it's not the best conditions for learning..."

"No, but come on! Tai Chi Masters was a cool movie, but we just look like to old people fighting. Like a bitch fight but in slow motion. Except it's not slow motion, we're not old people and definitively not in a movie. Can't they just mind their own business ? Raaaah, i'm so bored."

"You are quite an infuriating young lady, you know ?"

 

A gasp make them turn around. Everyone is looking at them. The sound came from the nearest pair, and they are looking warily in their direction.

 

"Seriously ? What's wrong with these people ? Nobody told you it's rude to stare ? Okay, enough, come on, Doc."

 

She takes her bag and Bruce by the arm and storms out. He is a bit shocked by what's happening. The least he can say about the girl is that she is... spontaneous. They nearly run through the corridors, earning them half panicked looks and Bruce is pretty sure someone already sent a "code green" alert to Nick Fury. Hopefully they did. They stop in an empty corridor, next to a coffee machine. She starts laughing and he must admit, it is quite contagious. She holds out her hand looking at the selection of coffee.

 

"Do you have any change ? I'm broke."

 

He is still so astonished by what happened that he just gives her what she asks. Soon he finds himself sitting in a corridor like he's 18 again, sipping an awfull cup of coffee that tastes like dishwater and listens to this pretty girl that looks like she is 18. When did that happened?

 

" Did you see the look on their face ? Priceless! Still, Do you think they stared so much because I was not S.H.I.E.L.D ? Do you think that could be counted as racism ?"

 

The girl is unbelievable. She is the most... random encounter he ever experienced. This is surreal, this girl with a great love for flashy make-up, flashy attire and flashy behaviour, breaking in one of the most guarded place of New-York and running away with someone that could easily crush her with his fingers, and yet she thinks they were avoinding HER ? Oh, Tony would have a field day!

She smiles at him and puts her hand on his arm, and he doesn't know why this gesture seems so familiar.

 

"At least I made you laugh, Doc. "

 

She is so different from the women surrounding him. Younger, also. Miss Potts is full of grace, and soft, with a velvety voice. Yet She is made of iron, running the Stark industries in the shadows of her boss and … partner ? He doesn't know what these two are, but how fitting they seems together. An Iron lady for the Iron Man. He doesn't see much Maria Hill and Natasha is just a cold wind that comes and go in the tower. She's still wary of him, and he wouldn't have it any other way. He nearly killed her, and still blames himself for that. He should have kept control of that... monster in him.

And then, there's Betty.

He hasn't seen her in years. She sends letters sometimes, when she knows where he is, that is. To keep up. She is married, now, to that other doctor he saw on the campus that day. She went on with her life, and that's good. That's very good, even if it hurts like hell and fuels the other guy's anger sometimes. Betty was the most clever and kind woman he ever knew. She was the most beautiful also, in his eyes. Once he thought he would end up marrying her, and in his dreams, they would have had it all. Even the kids, as scary as it seemed at the time. But now...

 

"... And I knew your name seemed familiar! You are the infamous Bruce Banner!"

 

The husky voice brings him back from his thoughts. When he processes what has been said, he can't help but feel the dread that grows in his stomach. She knows who he is. It's over, she's going to stand up and run, scared of the beast he really is. He doesn't know why it bothers him so much, he just met the woman -damn, the girl, she is but just a girl- and he should be used to the horror and disgust.

But she's not running. No. On the contrary, she looks at him, with stars in her eyes.

 

"Yes you are! Oh man, that's pretty cool!"

"I beg your pardon?"

"You did this paper on genetically modified flora that had been exposed to gamma rays, a few years ago, that helped me for a paper during the two months of biology I did in college. See, I majored in political sciences, but I changed my major so many times I actually think I broke a record or something... "

A college student -graduated college student- She's a student that knows him for his first research papers, not his passion for destroying buildings and army properties. He wonders if he should be glad or annoyed by that fact.

"...And then Jane and Eric took me in New-Mexico for "Einstein-Rosen Bridge hunting"."

"... Einsten-Rosen... You know Jane Foster and Eric Selvig ?"

"Well, yeah... I was their assistant for a while, and then we found Thor. I even tazed him, you know ? Well, Jane run over him twice with the van, but I still tazed an alien norse god. How do you think I ended up with a pass, huh? By the way, you work here, right ? So you must know the avengers too ?"

"They don't sign autographs, if that's what you want..."

"Of course they totally do. I saw Captain America on tv the other day. A real star. But, no, I don't."

"You don't... what ?"

"Want an autograph. So... Do you know if they are here?"

 

Is she one of those bloody fangirls that try by all means to enter the tower? They've been quite a lot of them recently and he can't help but feel a little bit annoyed.

 

"I won't help you sneak in to steal the Cap's boxer shorts if that's what you expect."

"Now that would be fun, but no. I want to talk to the Hulk, actually."

"You WHAT ?"

 

He's flabbergasted. This woman – girl! Is completely insane! He stands up, his cup rolling on the floor. Anger flows in his veins like a cold fire. Doesn't she know what the Hulk really is ?

She calmly look at him. He seems agitated, furious even, but she can't help to find the situation quite funny. Of course she knows who he is. She's not stupid. She connected the dots when she saw his nametag. After her paper, she tried to read more of his researches. But couldn't. The whole bunch was classified. She got one of her friends from IT to try to hack it, but even then, they couldn't find anything. She managed to find informations much later, and completely by surprise, when Eric told her about Banner. And then later, just before Agent Coulson stole her i-pod and computer. The Gamma researches, the accident that nearlly destroyed the whole of Harlem, The big dude in the park. She knows they are all linked. And this man with the fluffy hair is her only clue.

 

"Yeah, do you think I should get an appointment?"

 

He chokes. Now, that's quite entertaining, he looks like he just swallowed at least a dozen lemons. He flushes, then turns pale, and she thinks for a second he's going to faint. He manages to control himself, with difficulties. He hasn't had any accident for 32 days, now, but the other guy has been restless, and it's like he is 6 years back, struggling to keep his calm. What is happening ?

 

"You... want... to get an appointment ? With the... with Him?"

"Well, yeah. I gave him my number but he never called me. I'm Darcy Lewis, by the way, maybe he told you about me?"

 

The name is familiar... but he can't place it. Is this girl saying what he thinks she's saying ? Something warm grows inside him, expanding quickly, growing hotter and hotter. And then, his hearts is pounding in his chest and he fells on the ground. The girl rushes at his side, but he knows what is going on, he does'nt know why, but he manages to growl something before everything goes green:

 

**" RUN!"**

 

 

**  
**


	3. Fishing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the Thor, Lord of Thunder affair, Jane and Erik went to work for S.H.I.E.L.D. Some would have thought Darcy would follow them to the end of the world. But unfortunately for her, as soon as she got her credit, she was kindly thanked and sent back to New York. Now working as a waitress, living with a blonde flat mate, she tries to pay her bills and survive. There is so much rage in her she feels she could go green any minute.  
> So when she meets the jolly green giant in a park, trying very much to smash the ducks in the pond, she can actually relate to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) English isn’t my native tongue and I apologise for any awfull mistakes and syntaxic tortures that might occur within this story.  
> 2) So this Darcy is still very influenced by Kat Dennings’ role in 2 Broke girl$. Yet, this is still not a crossover.  
> 3) Of course this is a non-profit story. If fan fiction was lucrative, how many of us would be multi-billionaires?   
> 4) Also, rating is for the language. And safety ?  
> 5) SHIP DARCY WITH ALL THE THINGS! (especially the green ones)  
> 6)Thanks for K. and her inner asgardian for her insight of the Thorian linguistic.
> 
> Reviews:
> 
> First of all, I thank all of the readers of this fic very much, and all of you that Kudoed, Bookmarked and commented And those who put it directly in their favourites... Wow. Thanks so much! This is my second fanfiction in english, and i'm glad I started writing again. Your comments were very much appreciated too, and helped me seing things in a better angle. I know I took my time updating this but it's quite hard for me right now. I work 10 hours a day at a camp site where I do basically 5 jobs: taking care of children aged 4 to 13 years old, prepare sport tournaments and Bingoes, clean toilets blocks, do some gardening, bartending and waitressing. So writing is maybe a hobby I love but it takes time to find time to write, and i'm sorry for this late update.

She doesn't know what just happened. One second, she was there, winding up this poor doctor Banner, and the other, she was brutally shoved far from him, hitting the wall quite roughly. Closing her eyes as she can see white spots in front of her, she hears distorted voices through communicators and noises. Tons of noises. She recognises the sound of gun security being lifted, and then, a roar. A very familiar roar makes the wall tremble and when she open her eyes all she can see is green. Something collides with her in a brutal.... hug?

  
  


« HOLD YOUR FIRE! »

« ANGRY DARCY! »

« Big.... Guy ? »

  
  


The Hulk crushes her in a bear hug, He seems to be happy to see her. She smiles and pats him on the back -which really means the shoulder as she can't reach anything else. She mouthes « I've got that » to the line of the absolutely bewildered S.H.I.E.L.D agents and reports her attention fully to the gigantic man in her arms. 

  
  


« Hey. You didn't call. I thought you were avoiding me. Shall I be angry with you ? »

« No angry, Darcy. Hulk stuck in Banner. »

« So he really is you..... right ? You are, like, sharing a body, or something like that ? »

« Hulk is Banner. Banner not Hulk. Don't want to be. »

« ... Alright... And so... you were stuck in his head.... that's right ? He can control you then ? »

« Banner not always control. Hulk is strong. Angry. »

«  Oh, I'm pretty sure i'll be pissed off if my roomate was a mini-dictator too. Well she is, sometimes. So that makes too of us ? Well, not really. You do have a curfew and i don't. Plus you seems to have a lot of sitters, too... »

  
  


  
  


He roars, making the whole group of agents flinch, ready to shoot with elephant tranquilisers. Darcy passes her hand through his hair.

  
  


  
  


« Hush, hush, it's okay, big guy. Wow you're noisy. »

« Darcy don't like noise? »

« Sometimes i do, especially music. But i'm next to your mouth, and it hurts when you scream. I bet you don't like the noise too, right ? »

« Hulk hate noise »

« See ? The same. Sooo.... What have you been up to ?  I waited for you to call. But i suppose the doc wouldn't let you use his phone five minutes. »

  
  


  
  


She talks and talks and talks and under the unbelieving eyes of S.H.I.E.L.D, the Hulk actually listens, ignoring the rest of the world. They sit like she just did earlier with Bruce Banner, and something incredible happens. A rumbling sound, like the distant crack of thunder in the mountains, escapes the giant's throat. The Hulk is laughing. 

  
  


« ...So it's all the gamma radiations' fault, right ? And I can't believe you are actually him. I thought he was involved in the story but not that he was... you? That's crazy. A good chance i didn't bet on that, i would have definitively lost. But now, yeah, i do see the resemblance. You do look like each others.... which is a bit stupid to say, if you are the same person. So, do you think the good doctor actually washed up my number or what? »

« Hulk shrink, skin shrink. Number skrink too. »

« ...yeah that is quite logical i suppose. Maybe i could write really big letters or numbers so... »

« WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE ? »

  
  


A tall man with an eye patch that Darcy has never seen before but who does have a ferocious appearance – a good mix of super villian and space pirate – stands in front of them. Right behind him stand proudly the Avengers. Well, at least, part of them: Captain America, Iron man and Thor. This is not something you see any days. The Hulk changed in the middle of a corridor, without any menace detected. When you know what control Bruce maintains on his alter ego, this is pretty strange on its own. But nothing was smashed in the process, even the vending machine is intact. And the Hulk is sitting on the floor next to it, listening to a pretty young brunette with a raspy voice and one of the most impressive cleavage Tony ever seen. Which means a lot. Thor recognises her immediately and beams.

  
  


« Thor! Remember me buddy ? »

« LADY DARCY! WHAT A GREAT JOY IT IS TO MEET YOU AGAIN UNDER MUCH LESS TROUBLED CIRCUMSTANCES! THE LADY JANE WILL BE MUCH PLEASED TO HEAR YOU ARE AS HEALTHY AS EVER ! »

  
  


Darcy is quite happy to see the asgardian again. The great big dude with the bossy attitude looks at her intensely before asking one of his agents for the identity of this civillian. Agent Coulson appears, sending a quick look to Darcy before filling in his boss. 

Tony Stark takes this opportunity to approach the duo, but is immediately stopped by a bulky arm. The girl behind him chuckles and, looking at Fury from above the arm, drawls:

  
  


«  So, is it okay if I bring him home before midnight? »

  
  


A silence fells on the room before Tony burst in laughter. Fury seems quite lost for once, and he's got to make sure JARVIS is recording that. Oh, he is having such a great time. From the moment they became science brothers, he has always pestered Bruce with his love life. And here was the Hulk, bringing his girlfriend home. And a pretty hot young woman, too! Was the Hulk having a mid-life crisis? Oh how Bruce would turn green at the thought -oh the irony!. But here comes Steve -aka Captain America -aka the-world-is-dangerous-and-barbaric-place-now-that—i'm-not-an-ice-cube-anymore- reaches for the girl. Always a professionnal, the dear Cap. 

  
  


« Ma'am, I would like you to calmly come to me. Everything is okay, Ma'am. You'll be safe. »

  
  


She smiles like he is a cute little puppy and the Hulk... snorts ?! Oh, Tony's day is getting better and better. 

  
  


« I know I'm safe, Cap'tain. Thanks for you concern, though. So... Sir ? May we go now ? I'm pretty sure it's way beyond office hours, and that everyone is dying to go home. Plus I still have to cook my muffins for tomorrow. »

« Miss Lewis, I am sure you understand that the situation we are faring is quite unique and new for us. Could you tell me what's going on here ? »

« Well sure, why not ? Hulk, here, and I, met last month in a parc. We ended up making some ricochets. »

« Ouh, like in Amelie ? I loved this movie »Tony chirps in his best (or worse) impression of Pepper and smirks. The Hulk growls in response and the Iron Man gives him a cheeky smirk. Thor looks quite lost, and so does Steve. Darcy supposes it's a generation/alien thing. 

  
  


« Anyway, we met and got on well. Now we've got this anger management thing going on. I'm constantly mad, he's green, we're looking for a hobby to help us relax, but the doc -Docteur Banner, i mean- kind of postpone that, now I've got plenty of ideas I'd like to share with my friend, so can we go now?”

  
  


Nicholas Fury considers himself to be a pragmatic, cold headed man. He likes to consider all his options and the girl seems to be controlling Banner's rage problem. The Hulk is calm and hasn't done any damages, albeit he is still menacing. This could prove a real advantage in the future. He need to think about this alone, and far away from the madness. 

  
  


“Do whatever you want, but HE stays in the building.”

  
  


“Don't worry, we'll have some take away and use his credit card.” Tony whispers to the angry duo as the agents clear the corridor, glancing nervously back at the super group, waiting for the Hulk to go on a rampage any minute. 

  
  


When the building is completely emptied except for a playboy billionnaire philantropist in an iron suit, a demi-god, a super-spy and his bow, the representant of the whole nation with the stars and stripes tattoed on his butt and her dearly green friend, Darcy stands up and beams.

“Okay... so that was easy. For a super spy agency. I mean.”

Thor barks a laugh and gives her a slaps on the back that sends her flying on Tony Stark's chest plate. The Hulk stands, growling at the puny god that is maybe better than the green magic one, but stupid enough not to control his strengh. Angry Darcy may be brave and tenacious for a human female, she is still fragile and tiny. The metal man [ caters them ] to the elevator, ignoring the tension between the other members of his team, which irritates the Hulk. Darcy is his friend, not the Avengers'. And he doesn't like the smooth tone he uses with her. He already has a woman, why does he wants to take her too ? 

The penthouse still bears the marks of Loki's defeat and where he fell. The metal man made no repairs and Hulk is quite happy to show his friend the hole in the ground. Darcy seems quite surprised and listens to his tale, ignoring the amused looks of the avengers at the strange sight before them. 

Then Tony shout “PIZZA!” and a whole pandemonium hurls the girl to one of the most confortable looking living room Darcy ever seen, with the most incredible sofa and a huge plasma screen. They sprawl themselves on the couch so un-superhero like that she can't help but feel like she's intruding. But the great big hand on her back, pressing her gently toward the group, makes her worries go away. 

  
  


\----------

  
  


She starts calling him “Green” the day after they finish watching the Hell Boy duology. It' s all part of Darcy's “Let's make the Hulk interact with people and do normal activities instead of crushing them” plan. The movies are from her favourites list, and she finds it fun to notice some similarities with their (now) daily life. Tony snorts when he hears the term of endeavourment , but a growl from the big guy currently sprawled on the ground at Darcy's feet makes him swallow back an comments. 

A sort of strange domesticity settled in the Avenger Tower. Darcy comes around at least two days a week, and after a long bargain with Bruce ( quite an epic episode of only Darcy's and Bruce's fury lashing out as the other guy stays silent -he knows Darcy will have better arguments against Bruce – which surprised the scientist so much he finally agreed – but only with heavy surveillance from his comrades in arm) she manages to get her lime-coloured friend for herself (with a super-babysitter). That's how they end up in Tony's penthouse, shamelessely lolling on the expensive furniture and rugs in front of the tv, eating ice-cream while Darcy takes for a mission to keep the Hulk's pop culture up-to-date. They start with basic action movies she feels they will like but ends up choosing her own personnal choice of nerdy or obscure comics adaptations, and of course, foreign movies. She gets him to read, too. He struggles a bit, and, after the first weeks,she ends up reading out loud for him while he simply lay down and enjoy the sound of her voice. Sometimes, when it's Thor's turn to watch them, he sits next to them, smiling brightly. Sometimes, it's Clint's turn, and he simply watch the tv from the top of the sofa's arm. Usually, Darcy smiles and the Hulk just huffes and basically ignores anyone that intrude on their time. 

But soon the quiet and calm evenings are disturbed by a whole bunch of superheroes (minus Natasha that claims she needs some time off the guys) that settles with them on the couch, watching the movies, eating popcorn and junk food and drinking beer. They are loud, and a bit unnerving sometimes. At first, Darcy doesn't say anything. She is still a bit shy around this band of merry men in tights -yes, she made the Hulk and Clint watch this version of Robin Hood- and she's using Stark's things, and eat his food. She wonders briefly when she became a regular in the Tower, when did reading comics and playing jenga with one of the Avengers became ordinary. 

But they are loud and much more invasive than her, which is quite a lot. She knows they don't mean to bother her and she quite enjoys spending time with them, but it IS Hulk and Darcy's alone time together, the only moment they got after Fury's analyse of the videos from the park and the bill he received. They are still being punished, and Darcy is pretty sure the man is sadistic, for a whole fortnight they had to listen to the raving rants of a science high Tony Stark. And now, 3 weeks laters, she is starting to get mad. Really mad. Not Arleen Quinzel or Freakazoid mad -well, a bit- but really Hulk mad. They have to do something, to go out, away from the Avenging Spandex Wearers Tower. 

  
  


“ LET'S GO FISHING!”

  
  


Darcy runs from her job directly after her shift. She had the idea since she woke up and it took its time replaying in her head the whole morning., helping her through a very tiring day.

She used to love going fishing. Her grandfather always took her to this perfect place during the summer, where they would pretend to spend the whole day tickling the fishes when actually they would just nap, or read in the shade, away from the noises of civilisation and most importantly, the constant nagging of her grandmother. Some of her best childhood memories were just that. The two of them, their fishing rods and the sound of water clapping gently at their feet. 

Peace. 

The biologist looks up to see who has disturbed his thoughts. The little black and yellow tornado throws her bag at his feet, and pounces on the couch next to him. Her hair is tousled, her lipstick faded, and judging by the slight curl of her mouth, she seems to have had a bad day. Again. He gently takes his glasses off, and rubs his temples. 

  
  


“Fishing? You want to take the H... us, fishing?”

“yeah, why not ? I like fishing. Plenty of time to nap and looking for shapes in the clouds. Plus, we would be out. Away from here.”

  
  


She slumps next to him and delicately presses her forehead on his shoulder, sighing loudly. They stay like this for a while, Darcy too weary to feel any embarassement. Later, she would justify her personal space invasion as a “bonding exercise” for Bruce. He, himself ,is trying to stop the thoughts of what he would rather do with the girl which actually involves a nap but excludes that awful uniform of hers. Recently, he seems to have more and more of these thoughts... 

A loud knock makes the door tremble and Tony appears. Darcy grumbles a little and straightens up on her seat. 

  
  


“Did I hear someone say fishing? Oh MY ! What in the name of fashion is that ugly... mustardy...thing?”

“My uniform, mister Stark”

“Your uniform? Do you work in a prison? No, wait, are you on parole ? Are they making you wear this so you don't vanish in a crowd? That's harsh. Also, I told you to call me Tony. My friends call me Tony.”

“I'm not sure I want to be your friend right now, Tony”

“They also say that. See? Friend. So... Fishing?”

  
  


That is the moment when Thor and Clint choose to enter the room, and two similar grins appear on their faces. Darcy knows that smile. That smile means troubles.

  
  


\-------------

  
  


That's how a calm afternoon by the river, naked feet in the grass and a nap under a tree gets transformed into a full day expedition of Tony fully Hulk-proofed and very large – and ridiculously expensive- luxury yacht. 

The whole team is here. Natasha and Pepper are sunbathing on the sun deck, next to a jacuzzy that could pass for a swimming pool. They wanted some time away from “the boys” . Darcy knows she should be offended to be considered as one of them, but she's too busy trying to figure out either to be amazed or irritated by Tony's initiative and the turn of events. 

Bruce is napping in a corner, currently keeping his stomach from escaping his sealed lips. Sea sickness isn't something that Hulking out could change. What a brilliant idea it was to bring him in the middle of the ocean, in a small embarcation ( 230 feets were hardly small for a boat but for the Hulk, it would still be a cockleeshell ) surrounded by hyperactive superheroes and his alter-ego's not so secret crush. 

Clint and Thor have disapeared some times ago, but last time anyone saw them, they were looming over the bow of the ship (oh the irony) looking for a way to sit on the figure head (the figure head! A giant Tony-faced merman with a pouty smile! Darcy never thought she would find someone as narcissistic as her flatmate but then again, she had never met Tony in the flesh before ) so they can have a “better view”. Somehow they might end up in a “peeing contest” like the times they drank so much they decided to go on the penthouse roof and see who would aim the furthest. Of course, Thor would always win but as everyone knew, it was just a matter of time before Tony would invent a contraption to help him break this record. 

And Tony is Gods-know-where – he had said something about a sky lounge- looking for something to drink. He has said he would not be long but this was already 30 minutes ago and Darcy is feeling a bit left out. She lays her towel on one of the huge and very confortable looking deckchair, takes out of her bag her favourite sunglasses and her i-pod. This is maybe not the perfect fishing trip she had in mind, but, hell, she is on a yacht, no, a GIGA yacht, like the ones you only see in movies or on the glossy pages of peoples magazines. She is with some of the most amazing people on earth, on a crazy boat -no, a ship . Bruce looks like he is finally asleep, a bucket on his lap. For once, she feels like she can relax and enjoy freely her day off. Nothing to worry about, no money problems, no anger issues. Nothing could make her move out of her chair. And nothing would. 

  
  


Oh Boy. How could she be so wrong ? 


End file.
